After Death?

Man is a creator of so many technologies and modern equipments. He has gone beyond belief in almost all fields and is the inventor of so many new gadgets. But one thing man is new to is death. No one till now has discovered an equipment to see when death is going to occour or what actually happens after death. People have this myth that says that after a person dies, his soul goes up to the air and lingers in the house for a particular amount of 15 days. It is at that time, when they see their loved ones shed their tears for them, when they actually know how much that person means to them.
I have not seen death up so close before January 23rd 2010. The day my grandmother left us and went to an unknown world of her own. 22nd January was a normal day that went on routine. Everything seemed so normal and happy. We had our meals together and she went to bed so peacefully that night never to wake up again. For the past 4 years, like a ritual, I have kissed her goodnight and put her to bed. But that night, I never knew I would not see that wonderful smile the first thing I get up in the morning. People say, when one goes to sleep, one will never know if they wake up in the morning or not. I never understood that until that day.
Sometimes, I wonder, where is she? Is she watching us? Is she actually knowing whats happening at home now? Does she know I got graduated? Does she know my granddad cries thinking of her every single day? Does she know life after her has been so tough? Sometimes, I wonder..
I am known to be the most emotionally stable and strong person compared to my sister and cousins. Don't think so. I don’t see myself stronger. I don’t see myself get over it. Get over the fact that she has gone. Gone away from us. I see myself only numb. Devoid of emotions.
Its been clearly two months now. Two months since this house had a nice hearty laughter, since this house had a good happy meal because without her, nothing is the same. Everything is different.
Coming 23rd is going to be the third month and also the day which I have always waited for. But this time, it’s the day I dread. Their wedding anniversary. I don’t really know how to face that day. How make it pass through fast..how to erase it from the calendar. Im following the path of escapism at the moment, escaping from the truth, the reality. But when reality hits so hard on you.. what else would you do? Accept it and move on. The former has clearly not yet happened. I hope it happens soon.. hope it happens soon to my family.. as none of us has accepted it yet. Accepted the truth.
Whatever it is, I hope she is watching us. Because if she is, the least we could do, is be entertaining.