A new self
Sitting by the side of my window, with the sounds of the water pouring from the sky hard on the ground, the droplets of water hitting on the roof of my house, the swaying of the plants in my garden, the droplets running down on my window sill, makes me get a déjà vu.
10 years back, I used to sit the same way in my room, looking outside my window day dreaming, in a world of my own where only I excited. I, me, myself.
Till the age of 15, I was known as an introvert. I spoke very little or not at all, I was always to myself and sometimes people used to forget that I was in the room. My life revolved around my parents and sister. They were my socializing circle and they were the ones who I confided in. I was scared for the minutest things and also had the scare for almost all teachers in school. The main idea inside me was that I never wanted to be blamed for anything and I made sure that never happened. I was NEVER a bright student. I had a lot of subjects which I found very difficult to even comprehend. I never used to understand why such subjects even existed. One such was Math. Math and I have been divorced since birth. I was never able to relate to numbers and I don’t think that will ever happen. I don’t really remember getting decent results in my math paper. It was always below 40. During these difficult times, usually the parents pressurize the children and don’t really support them or understand them. But my parents were different. Unique. I am not trying to compare anyone in this context. But what im trying to say is that if parents understand children and their problems and most importantly DON’T compare their children with other random children , it will ALWAYS do good. My parents took the latter form. I was always special and unique to them. I don’t really remember making them happy or proud by giving them the marks or the rank which every parent wanted their child to bring back home. In that case, I was very bad. I never did that. Ever.
The most common notion states that as time passes by, things will change. People will change. But in my case, that never happened. My parents who always felt that I will gradually come out from ‘the phase’ started getting tensed as I was just not coming out of my bubble. I used to avoid people, never talk to anyone, even my partner in class for that matter! It is at that time when my mom started talking to me about a lot of things. She told me about her school life, how her parents were, how she went through her hurdles one time and the other. In the beginning, I used to never understand what she meant or why she even said all those things, but, down the line, it started inspiring me, inspiring me in many ways. My outlook towards everything started changing. I slowly and steadily, without even my realization, started opening up. I started socializing with my classmates and made a lot of friends in school. Each and every day my mom used to talk it out with me and mould me. I was like clay in her hands. She could mould me however she wanted me to be. I was that vulnerable.
Years down the line, I became the most talkative in the class. My friends circle has increased so outrageously, that NOW it’s uncountable. It has come to a stage where my parents have started telling me to control myself. Beat that?
The unconditional love and support that they have showered on me at good and bad times has been so rejuvenating. If it wasn’t for them, I really don’t know what I’ll be today. I probably would have lost myself down the line for sure.
Today, I stay alone with my granddad and go to college. Never imagined in my wildest of dreams 10 years back that I would be doing this. But yeah, I am. And now this is me.
This one is for you Amma & Acha. For making me who I am today.
I love you.
10 years back, I used to sit the same way in my room, looking outside my window day dreaming, in a world of my own where only I excited. I, me, myself.
Till the age of 15, I was known as an introvert. I spoke very little or not at all, I was always to myself and sometimes people used to forget that I was in the room. My life revolved around my parents and sister. They were my socializing circle and they were the ones who I confided in. I was scared for the minutest things and also had the scare for almost all teachers in school. The main idea inside me was that I never wanted to be blamed for anything and I made sure that never happened. I was NEVER a bright student. I had a lot of subjects which I found very difficult to even comprehend. I never used to understand why such subjects even existed. One such was Math. Math and I have been divorced since birth. I was never able to relate to numbers and I don’t think that will ever happen. I don’t really remember getting decent results in my math paper. It was always below 40. During these difficult times, usually the parents pressurize the children and don’t really support them or understand them. But my parents were different. Unique. I am not trying to compare anyone in this context. But what im trying to say is that if parents understand children and their problems and most importantly DON’T compare their children with other random children , it will ALWAYS do good. My parents took the latter form. I was always special and unique to them. I don’t really remember making them happy or proud by giving them the marks or the rank which every parent wanted their child to bring back home. In that case, I was very bad. I never did that. Ever.
The most common notion states that as time passes by, things will change. People will change. But in my case, that never happened. My parents who always felt that I will gradually come out from ‘the phase’ started getting tensed as I was just not coming out of my bubble. I used to avoid people, never talk to anyone, even my partner in class for that matter! It is at that time when my mom started talking to me about a lot of things. She told me about her school life, how her parents were, how she went through her hurdles one time and the other. In the beginning, I used to never understand what she meant or why she even said all those things, but, down the line, it started inspiring me, inspiring me in many ways. My outlook towards everything started changing. I slowly and steadily, without even my realization, started opening up. I started socializing with my classmates and made a lot of friends in school. Each and every day my mom used to talk it out with me and mould me. I was like clay in her hands. She could mould me however she wanted me to be. I was that vulnerable.
Years down the line, I became the most talkative in the class. My friends circle has increased so outrageously, that NOW it’s uncountable. It has come to a stage where my parents have started telling me to control myself. Beat that?
The unconditional love and support that they have showered on me at good and bad times has been so rejuvenating. If it wasn’t for them, I really don’t know what I’ll be today. I probably would have lost myself down the line for sure.
Today, I stay alone with my granddad and go to college. Never imagined in my wildest of dreams 10 years back that I would be doing this. But yeah, I am. And now this is me.
This one is for you Amma & Acha. For making me who I am today.
I love you.
Absolutely beautiful.. For the words are straight from inside you :) and that's what makes your way of writing UNIQUE too...
ReplyDeleteAnother similarity to add to our innumerable similarities.. "Math & I are divorced since birth too" :D
Keep Writing
Kudos
Thank you Vg :)
ReplyDeletenice writing, but no recent posts?stopped writing cos u dont get time to, or u are too busy with ur frnds.. :P :P >?
ReplyDeletejust out of curiosity chechi,have u ever felt like travelling back to the old anupama? during ur bad times?or even during ur happy times? just to share/celebrate the occasion,with that silent introvert,once upon a time little girl? or have u completely forgotten her?
but lemme tell u its always good to get back to old self too at times.. :) dont miss that old self... :P